My premium membership ran out, I didn't realise how crappy every page looked without one, but eh well, it just makes me not want to be here even more. Well, it's not that I don't want to be here, I just don't get motivated enough to come here and show you my photographs anymore.

I'm not saying I'm leaving, it's not like one can ever 'leave' a website is it?, I just can't be bothered with it to be honest. Maybe I will post something one day but I can't see it happening anytime soon, I'm pretty pushed for patience to even write out this journal.

I passed 100,000 pageviews this week, it's taken a long time and I thought I would be excited, I'm not excited at all, it doesn't make me happy to know that people are coming to my page and not even bothering to speak to me. I used to like the interaction on this website, but it seems you have to be here hours a day talking to people to get that kind of spark. I watch over 200 people here, most of which I have spoken to in the past and few that I have become very good friends with, I really appreciate that and always will. I check here everyday and see endless journals with samey titles or constant rants and bickerings that will never ever get resolved, its boring, ya know.

I need to use my time to make some money. I don't have any, and I really want to make a go of my photography, I also want to register for a pgce sometime in the near future so I can share my knowledge with people who want to do this.

Tim has been going on for ages about the crappy state of this industry and while all that time I've wanted to deny it and slap him in the face for being a pessimistic turd, I've realised that he is right. It sucks and it's done a great big smelly shit on all my dreams of wanting to be a ' pro' photographer. Well, I am a pro photographer, I am because I say I am, because I have a piece of paper that tells me I'm fully qualified to be, I am because I've made money from my skill, I am because it's what I do every single day, but its nothing like I ever imagined it to be. I still get off on clicking the shutter and making the image, I always will, but I don't 'need' to live off this passion, I'm giving up fighting for it, because the quiet life makes me smile so much more.

I'm often on facebook if you want to talk to me on there just add me and tell me who you are..

ohh and Nancy if your reading this, I got your postcard luvy! <3 Send me your address and I'll send you one from my collection